not

much to do today.

patiently awaiting the beautiful holiday on friday. wishing i could've gotten my parents all that they ever wanted. even those presents that their parents couldn't get them when they were younger. i want them to get away for a while, without a care in the world. kick back on a sandy beach with the sun shining on them and a light breeze cooling them off from the heat of the sun rays. i miss the relationship that i had with my dad when i was younger. i wonder if he can read my eyes. and know that i am longing for those jokes he used to tell, missing the songs i used to sing to him as he would lay his head in my small lap after a long day of work.

i want to tell him everything. because i know he would tell me what i needed to know about everything. and that everything wouldn't seem like that monster under the bed. because my daddy would know about that everything monster and he would make it all better, and he would make it all nice for me.

........................................

my heart beats faster these days and my breath is short.
i'm alive and hurting.
i'm hurting but i'm well.
so this is 20.